Understanding Trauma & the Rhetoric of Recovery: A Discourse Analysis of Virtual Healing Journals of Child Sexual Abuse Survivors more

This essay was presented at IGALA 2002 and was an early draft. Please send email inquiry for copy of article that appeared in JAC. Thompson, R. (2004). Understanding Trauma & the Rhetoric of Recovery: A Discourse Analysis of Virtual Healing Journals of Child Sexual Abuse Survivors. JAC: A Journal of Composition Theory- Special Issue, Part 2: Trauma & Rhetoric, 24(3), 653-677. Understanding Trauma & the Discourse of Healing: A Discourse Analysis of Child Sexual Abuse Survivor Narratives Riki Thompson rikitiki@u.washington.edu University of Washington Tacoma Traumatic events have the power to change a person’s sense of self and safety in the world. This phenomena has been documented in numerous groups of survivors, including —but not exclusive to—war veterans, holocaust survivors, terrorism survivors, rape survivors, physical and mental abuse survivors, and child sexual abuse survivors, as they attempt to make sense of their experience and pursue recovery from the damage done (Herman 1992). For those who make the decision to heal through the rhetoric of recovery, whether it is through personal counseling, support groups, or self-help literature, the discursive practice of narration becomes a primary mode of telling in order to engage in the discourses of healing. Child sexual abuse survivors1 have capitalized on the genre of narrative in order to both heal their own emotional wounds as well as to create a public discourse that is aimed at ending the cycle of child sexual abuse through “speaking the unspeakable” in order to break the silence that this crime thrives in. It is clear that many survivors of trauma have come to engage in oral and written discourses of telling in order to heal their emotional wounds as the increase in community support groups, published texts2, newsgroups and websites have shown.3 Some turn to the oral tradition of individual counseling and others to community support groups, both of which value telling as a 1 For the purpose of this paper the term “survivor” will refer to women who were sexually abused as children. Statistics show that one out of three girls and one in seven boys is sexually abused, yet due the overwhelming majority of victims being girls, at the hands of men, I have chosen to focus primarily on women survivors of child sexual abuse. Male survivors also experience many of the same problems, as well as others, due to the nature of this crime, and deserve to have their issues addressed in their own forum as well. 2 Texts may be either oral or written, as both contribute significantly to the practices of speech communities. Tannen (1982) describes this mutual importance of the oral versus the written as a continuum in which “people use devices associated with both traditions in various settings” (3). This oral/literate debate becomes counter-productive when doing ethnographic research of discourse communities and their practices, as it leads us away from our goal of social understanding. 3 This is not to say that all survivors have turned to telling about their trauma in order to find healing, nor that it is certain that telling is healing for everyone. form of healing4. Others turn to writing, in the form of journals, stories, autobiographies, to tell with pen and paper, utilizing the literate tradition. More recently, individuals have turned to the web, with its newsgroups, websites and chat-rooms to tell, and thus participate in the discourses of healing. The discourses of healing consist of numerous discursive and social practices that people utilize in order to find healing from emotional injury5. Survivor texts, such as survivor narratives, operate in this discussion about abuse and healing as a particular “discourse”, allowing survivors to engage in a sort of healing through recounting their trauma via the written or spoken word. Within this community, this belief that telling is healing—the discourse of telling—authorizes survivors to engage in their narratives openly, as it reinforces the claim that to talk about traumatic experiences is therapeutic and healing. When using survivor narratives as a basis for understanding this discourse community, the issue of access to the discourse must be addressed. Private counseling and self-help books are still most prevalent in white middle-class society, and are not necessarily typical or representative of the survivor community as a whole. Therefore, access to the discourse may not be equal to those who are not privileged. Although child sexual abuse is not confined by ethnic or class lines, the discourses of healing and the positive thinking movement draws heavily from the roots of psychotherapy and self-help, bringing up issues of accessibility and representation of social and economic groups. Along with the issue of access, there is also the issue of silence by survivors not 4 The tradition of telling can also be seen in 12-step programs, such as Alcoholics Anonymous and AlAnon. (For further reading see Jensen 2000) 5 The discourses of healing are not engaged solely by this survivor community. Survivors of various abuses, both physical and emotional, such as war veterans and holocaust survivors (see Blatt 1997), may also participate in the discourses of healing when they begin the process of healing in some form. (c.f. footnote 3) participating in the discourse of telling. This group represents another discourse among the discourses of healing: the discourse of silence. Their silence about their trauma covertly influences the discourses of healing, as their participation in related discourses has the ability to shift ideology back to the discourse of silence as a preferred option to the discourse of telling6. As survivors engage in the discourse of telling through writing, they rely on a variety of genres to do this work. These “typified” survivor narratives—as will be shown through discourse analysis—can be classifiable using Bazerman’s “systems of genre” (1994). Figure 1 illustrates how the healing journal participates in a “genre system” by way of the survivor narrative, along with other genres. The meta-narrative is the discourses of healing, which acts as the ideological framework that all healing discourse participates in. Within the meta-narrative, there are a variety of forums where survivors may go to perform their narratives. Books and websites allow survivors a forum to tell and share through texts. Once a survivor has chosen a place to tell, she must also chose a particular genre, such as poetry or the personal journal. Survivor narratives, therefore, mediate different literary forms in order to produce their own form of the survivor narrative. In this paper, I will examine the website (forum) and the personal journal (form)7. 6 Though this group exists, they do not exist as a community, and are un-identifiable due to their silence making their discourse practices un-examinable. 7 The use of the personal journal in the survivor community has created a particular type of genre which I refer to as the healing journal, regardless of the forum in which it is produced. Evolution of the Healing Journal Use Diagram for 2 minute genealogy Leading us to the Virtual Journal The Virtual Healing Journal Threads of Common-Sense Woven through the Telling Through a textual analysis of survivor virtual journals, we gain an understanding of what ideologies—ways of thinking and ways of talking—are both constructing community members, as well as being constructed by them. These ways of talking are so embedded with this community’s discourse of healing, that they are used without explanation to readers, as readers are expected to share in this belief system. These concepts function within this discourse community as what Foucault would call their regime of truth: the types of discourse which it accepts and makes function as true (1980). Linde (1993) refers to these truths as common -sense that exists within discourse communities. The evolution from one common-sense belief system is seen to be an abrupt change, as one system remains in play for “fairly long stable periods” until that system is either “entirely reversed or abandoned in favor of a new formulation (Linde 1993: 213). • • • Wrongfulness of the abuse Importance of telling about the trauma to be healed. It is not the survivor’s fault, despite the fact that she may feel that it is. “I have done nothing wrong. And until we break the taboo of AMAC’s (adults molested as children) speaking out, many will suffer in silence and not be able to get the help that they need” (Kristina 9/8/01). • The concept of the little girl encourages survivors to “get in touch” with the little girl inside of themselves that was abused and silenced. “I am sure in the end that little girl inside of me will survive and we will both be better for it” (Kristina 12/14/01). • Survivors are fragmented and must work through recovery to become whole. Amy’s journal intro talks about “the struggles to become whole.” Judy writes “I write so that others might regain a life of wholeness long before I was able to”. • The trauma of sexual abuse is always with the survivor and permeates her life always regardless of her attempts at healing and recovery (Bass and Thornton 1983; Bass and Davis 1988; Brison 2002; Herman 1992). Support group facilitator Ann Gauling tells survivors at their first meeting, “You will never be the same. But you can be better” (Brison 2002: 20). Metaphors and Ideologies in the Discourse of Healing The metaphors that fill virtual journals and survivor sites revolve around ideas of healing as a journey and a transformational process and overcoming, as well as metaphors of bodily injury as a representation of emotional injury. The Healing Journey is full of movement and progress—and moments of regression. If one was to graph the healing journey of a survivor through following their journals for an extended period of time, the journey would not resemble a straight line up the hill—with injury being at the bottom and wellness being the destination at the top of the hill—but rather a trek through rugged mountainous terrain (see Figure 5). The trek would be filled with long strenuous hikes up hill—filled with difficult lessons of learning and growth, moments of plateaus— signaled by moments of insights and calmness, short descents—signaled by moments of falling back into old patterns of thinking or remembering pain, always striving back up the hill towards the destination of wellness. Figure 5 This metaphoric representation of healing as a journey is visible throughout virtual journals within both the titles and texts. Beginning at the Beginning Titles as a Framework Of the five titles on the HP site, as shown in figure 6, four of them use the journey metaphor in their title or sub-title. The one writer who does not utilize the journey metaphor turns to injury—another common metaphor. Figure 6 The metaphors of journey and the movement that it entails are visible in the titles and sub-titles of Kristina, Judy, Amy and Jane’s virtual journals.8 • Judy is the only journaler to prioritize “The Healing Journey” as her main title, where as the others use the sub-title for this metaphorical representation. In addition to placing the healing journey in the first position, Judy also makes the rhetorical move of not using a sub-title that is lengthy and elaborative, hence possibly taking power from the title. Instead she chooses to use one word under 8 The names used here are the names used on the website. Writers have the option of using a pseudonym on their journal link; therefore the choice to be anonymous has already been made by the writer. her title—“support”—as if to re-appropriate the use of the sub-title to describe the goal of her journal. • Kristina moves to the sub-title to tell the reader that she is beginning her “journey through recovery.” She not only relies on healing as a journey, but chooses to go “through” recovery, as if recovery is a containable place to be passed through like a drive-thru. Jane also embarks on a “healing journey” in her sub-title, just as Kristina does. Her main title says that she is “getting over” it, again representing a sense of movement in a positive direction. Continuing with the progressional concept on the healing journey, • Jane says she is “moving away from abuse” and “towards herself”, both of which are highly valued as progress within survivor discourse. • Marisa is the only journaler in this sample not to use the metaphor of the journey in her title, but instead uses the language of bodily injury, titling her journal Scars of Emotional Abuse. In her sub-title she claims it is the “voice of the inner child” that is “expressing her feelings after years of abuse,” once again painting an image of bodily injury to this once child in the mind of the reader. Introductions A Place to Tell “Why to Tell” Survivors clearly use the introduction page as a place to introduce themselves and explain why they are using the virtual journal. The page displays a picture of the survivor, the title of her journal, her reason for telling, and links to this week’s journal, earlier entries, and a place to post comments to the survivor. These pages seem to be appropriating a variety of genres to create a formulaic new genre. One genre being reconstructed is a personal website, complete with title, picture, texts, and links. Placed in the center of this individual page, is an introduction that resembles yet another genre: the corporate mission statement. • Marisa states her mission after she introduces herself and her history. She writes: I am writing this journal because it will help me to express my feelings that I have held in for a long time. It will help me deal with the pain. I have been keeping the pain bottled up inside and it is affecting my life. This journal will set me free from the pain. • Amy uses the same structure to introduce herself and her mission, although she incorporates helping others as well as herself by this public telling, stating: I am sharing this journal because I believe that life does not have to end because one was hurt. [Also because] I believe that as people talk about their abuse, and speak about the emotions, darkness, and struggles to become whole, we will help one another along the journey. • Kristina moves to complete social action as her mission, while maintaining the formula of the previous introductions. She writes, “I hope that by making my journal public, I can inspire others who have yet to start down the long road they call recovery.” • Judy is the only survivor who does not introduce herself in the introduction, using it solely as a bulletin board for her mission statement. I write with the hope that others, by reading my story, will find another stepping stone on the journey of healing. I write so that others might regain a life of wholeness long before I was able to. I write [in order] to join the many thousands of voices now speaking out, a voice so strong that society cannot help but hear. The introduction pages for these journals share common themes and format, as if they have been given a template to work from. Though there are few variations in these elements, the most salient features are an opening to introduce the survivor and their experience, along with a survivor mission of advocacy and transformation. According to Judith Herman (1992) in her book Trauma and Recovery, the survivor tells the story of the trauma in the second stage of recovery. • “She tells it completely, in depth and detail. This work of reconstruction actually transforms the traumatic memory, so that it can be integrated into the survivor’s life story” (175). This telling as an important step in recovery is also pointed out by Bass and Davis (1988). This need to tell in order to be transformed is consistently seen in survivor narratives. This transformation of self is a common model enacted in various genres of storytelling. Survivors are transformed by their experience, and those engaged in the discourses of healing are triumphant over their situation by giving voice the once unspeakable on their discursive journey away from the trauma. This new found strength is most visible in the introductions to virtual journals, as survivors use the genre as a place of personal reflection. • Kristina illustrates this transformation of self from silenced to vocal, stating: For many years I suffered the effects of my abuse in silence. I denied that it mattered. Then I hit the brick wall and instead of turning and running, I decided to make the effort to climb the wall. • Judy also uses this metaphor in her introduction, focusing on the binary of silence and voice that no longer holds her down. I write to join the many thousands of voices now speaking out, a voice so strong that society cannot help but hear. Her coming to voice is also a social transformation, as she reminds us that the survivor community as a whole has also transformed and begun to speak out. She claims membership in this community and feels an increased strength on account of it. This need to help other survivors and participate in the larger society is common in many of the introductions. Virtual Journals The Evolving Life Story Within the virtual journals entries, the journey metaphor is the most prominent, followed by injury and transformation metaphors respectively. The metaphor of the healing journey can be seen in • I know that this is a long road. I know it won’t be easy but I am working it the best I can and I am sure in the end that the little girl inside of me will survive and we will both be better for it” (Kristina 12/14/01). • for no matter how advanced we are on our journey of healing, how much we have learned, there will be many times one will slip back into those times” (Judy 1/25/02). • • • • the healing process comes in baby steps (Kristina 9/10/01) a series of falling down and getting up (Amy 4/17/01). progress for me has been slow (Amy 4/17/01). I started to walk on the journey towards healing (Marisa 5/17/01). Ironically, this form of telling—through a continuous journal—emphasizes the openended feeling for the reader, rather than allowing for a sense of completion that is offered by a survivor narrative that is written as a short story. The continuous journal format, which has no end, seems symbolic of the current ideology of the community—that healing is actually a life-long process, in which absolute wellness is never achieved. Herman (1992) claims, “Resolution of the trauma is never final; recovery is never complete” (211). Kristina best exemplifies this belief stating • “I just keep plugging along hoping one day I can find the middle of the road and learn to be at least in some sense emotionally stable” (11/1/01). Along with metaphors of healing as a journey, the metaphors of bodily injury as a representation of emotional injury are common in virtual journals. Marisa fills her narratives with this terminology referring to her trauma as the • • “wounds created in childhood” (5/3/01) her pain over her mother’s lack of love for her as “the deepest wound of all” (6/10/01). • “the emotional abuse left no visible scars, but the scars that were left are deep where only I can see them” (6/10/01). One of the most empowering elements in survivor narratives, both for the writer and the reader, is the language of overcoming and the new-found strength that the survivor has experienced on the road to recovery: the healing journey. Kristina describes a situation with another survivor friend who was worried about her choice to go public with her journal. • Kristina tells her friend: I will no longer suffer in silence and so what if someone sees my journal. I have done nothing wrong. And until we break the taboo of AMACs (adults molested as children) speaking out many will suffer in silence and not be able to get the help they need. (9/8/01) • Amy also experienced opposition from others about her virtual journal but made the decision to continue, honoring her own feelings as most important. I needed to start writing in here again. I stopped because some of the information in the journal upset my sister. Basically, I am still afraid of offending someone or of someone finding out who I don’t want to, but I need to speak. That is what this journal and this community are about. I write in a regular journal that only I read at home but it does not have the same cathartic value. (3/22/01) Conclusion In light of the events of September 11th, Americans have become more conscious and invested in the discourse surrounding trauma and healing. Shortly after this terrible event in the nation’s history, media coverage about child sexual abuse in the Catholic Church surfaced creating a further opening for society to engage in the discourses pertaining to child sexual abuse. These two events, as terrible as they are, can attribute positively to our national discussion about trauma and healing. The survivor community gives us a place to look to better understand how discursive processes can be used as a tool of healing from trauma and grief. The discourses of healing are a direct reflection of how the American ideology about trauma and abuse has shifted over the last 25 years.